Just Another Day in Storybrooke
by Mint18
Summary: Killian Jones is left bored and alone to run rampant in Storybrooke... What could possibly go wrong?


Killian Jones is bored. Really bored. There are no monsters running around, no villains to defeat and definitely no damsels in distress. All is quiet in Storybrooke, minus the usual daily disruptions, and for the first time in his very long life (especially since meeting Emma) Killian finds himself without even the smallest of tasks to complete. He's under strict instructions from Emma not to bother her at work today, and seeing as she kicked him out for a week last time he didn't listen, he's determined to leave her alone… at least for a few hours.

So today he decides, he makes his own fun. But that's easier said than done especially without Emma to keep him out of trouble. He might be a _reformed_ pirate but…

He's still a pirate. Especially today.

First stop he decides is Granny's. Emma's love of onion rings may outweigh her determination to stay at work all day, or at least he hopes it will. So he decides he'll stock up for dinner, or he would but he doesn't carry any of the blasted stuff that counts for money in this place.

Shame.

Yes, today is definitely a good day to be a pirate. Now all he needs is a distraction.

Twenty minutes and five kilos of Onion Rings later, quite frankly Killian is lucky, the sheriff herself hasn't shown up. No matter, five trucks full of fire-fighters, Regina and David all see his handy-work. Really Granny should be more careful, any bored pirate with a basic knowledge of pyrotechnics and a ready supply of gun powder would be able to raid and plunder her shop with ease.

After a successful raid of Granny's, Killian feels perhaps Emma would appreciate some flowers to go with her meal as well. She needs things just as beautiful as herself to look at and appreciate. Perhaps if he's really lucky she'll even send the lad away tonight and let him stay. It's not that she doesn't often let him stay but that's she's been so busy lately, he's feeling the pressure to stay the centre of her attention, and if he's being honest, he's not used to being anything but the most important (also handsomest, best-looking, dashing rapscallion) thing in Emma's life.

Yellow. Yellow definitely, he decides upon entering Belle's father's shop. Something to match to shining golden mane of his beautiful Swan. Quietly he winds his way through the aisles searching for something in the same league as her beauty.

He finds cowslips, buttercups, daffodils, marigolds, primroses even roses but nothing seems quite right…Firstly he settles on the buttercups (because everyone knows Killian Jones is a sucker for The Princess Bride.) Until he reconsiders. Whilst his Swan is his Buttercup, he's a better pirate than Westley ever could be, so he decides for this reason, his Swan deserves it all.

' _ **PIRATE!'**_

Killian can't help the grin that slides into place on his face as he makes away with his loot. He's taken every single yellow flower in the place plus all the roses, if that doesn't make his Swan swoon he doesn't know what will. Now all he has to consider is whether several broken windows, the ruins of her dad's stolen pick-up truck and a small fire at the florists might dampen those feelings of joy. Still he didn't make as big a mess as if he'd gone out the front door, at least the fire and _most_ of the broken windows were out the back where no one could see. It wasn't his fault Belle's father started throwing things at him or that they happened to break the front two windows, because Killian was extremely good at ducking after several centuries practise, not to mention he was very flexible too.

After several false starts, Killian gets the remains of David's truck to Emma's apartment and drops off the flowers. The onion rings are in the freezer and ready to go in the deep fryer he also 'borrowed' from Granny's. Now he decides he needs to decorate the apartment for her, and for that he needs a little magic…

Next stop Regina's.

This time though he'll be needing some assistance.

He smiles to himself in satisfaction as Henry runs towards him, leaving the shrieks and screams of his class mates behind. Perhaps the creature hadn't been necessary to gain Henry's attention, but the results had been worth it. Sure some of the slower runners might get eaten if they weren't smart enough to stay out of the way but the overall result negated any of the detrimental side effects.

'So lad how do you feel about stealing from Regina?'

'What she doesn't know won't hurt her.'

As it happened breaking into Regina's vault wasn't all that difficult. All that was required was knowing Henry's birthday and having the ability to convince Robin Hood that letting Henry play with magic was a good idea. No complicated magic or pirate weaponry required. All Robin needed was an assurance that Henry's use of magic was for a good cause, the recently released monster at his school for example.

They search for two hours for the right spell before they are caught by Regina. Not that the search had been going well, they had found nothing remotely useful, but that might have had something to do with the fact that neither of them knew very much about magic. Killian had found an interesting purple bottle that he thought might have been useful after he pulled the lid off and it admitted a puff of purple glitter. He had found one piece of magic he knew the use of and now his flask would magically refill itself with rum whenever he needed it. Possibly tonight if he was unlucky and Emma did not appreciate his efforts.

'What the hell do you think you're doing guyliner?!'

Killian threw the purple glitter bottle and one more random one he had picked up back at Regina as he and Henry ran for it, not waiting to see what the results of the smashed magical bottles would be, he picked up speed lest he be caught by the Queen.

What neither he or Henry noticed as they ran was the slow and steady purple sludge that engulfed Regina and followed them out onto the streets of Storybrooke.

Later both Killian and Henry sat facing Emma at the station as she stared back them unsure whether to laugh or cry at the irreparable damage their barely conceivable antics had caused.

First she turned to Killian.

'So let me get this straight, first you stole five kilos of onion rings from Granny's plus her deep fryer by blowing apart her back freezer. Then you stole David's pick-up truck and ransacked the flower shop. Then you thought it was a good idea to bust Henry out of school by releasing a hellhound into the school grounds. All so he could then help you break into Regina's vault and steal some magic to make my apartment _pretty._ And just to top it off somehow in the process you managed to cover the entirety of Storybrooke in a purple sludge that turned half the town into snails not to mention the only woman who could fix it?! And all of this was just because I was at the station for _a day_ and you were bored?'

He's not sure whether to feel disappointed that she's unimpressed or proud of how incredible it all sounds when said out loud. He decides, for now, to act humble and look guilty. Now she's addressing them both, and he's not really listening because she's glaring at them both in equal measure. Surely he thinks she must be enjoying the impossible situation he has put her in and she must just be trying really hard for the lad to suppress her smile.

One thing she says does catch his attention though.

'You boys realise what you've done right?' Now she is grinning.

They both shake their heads.

'You've given me at least another week's worth of work sorting all this out.'

Killian thinks his jaw must hit the floor.

A/N: Please leave a review, I love hearing what all you lovely people think! xx


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